My Relative Has a Mental Illness...

I recently found out a close relative of mine has a serious mental illness. It is such a struggle for me to deal with someone I care about very much being so ill and acting so different from how I knew her all my life. When someone has a complete breakdown and acts in ways so alien to their normal self (paranoia, etc) it is hard to think of them as they used to be.
It has been so difficult to cope with the fact that she may never be the same. This is mainly because she is my mom and I can't imagine her NOT acting like her "normal" self. Sure, everyone has good and bad days but there are a lot more bad days right now than good ones. How do you cope with someone else's illness while struggling with your own depression?

The strain and struggle to live a normal life while caring for/praying for/helping an ill relative can take its toll. At some point you start to wonder what to say when someone asks how your relative is doing. Some days you get so stressed out that you feel like blurting out, "Oh, my relative is ok...I mean she has XYZ (insert mental illness here), but otherwise she is ok." People mean well, but unless that person has been through a similar rough experience it is hard for them to empathize with you. This is how I feel, anyway... Truthfully I do appreciate the prayers and concern of a loved one or friend, but sometimes I have to just pray about it and rest on my own or I'll get crabby and snippy with others (who usually mean well).

I think that the caregivers and relatives of a mentally (or even physically) ill person should not be SO hard on themselves. The caregivers and relatives need to take time to rest and laugh, to have joy, and to live in the moment...even when some of these moments are very hard ones to live through. Since I know what I am talking about here (having more than one person I am related to that has a mental illness), I will mention that it IS a struggle for me to remember to rest and enjoy life in the midst of these valleys of trouble. It is in these times that I most need to laugh, to smile, and to hug someone so I feel better and brighten the day of those around me (maybe even the life of my ill relative!).

In my family's case it is a hard road and not one I would have chosen for myself or my mom, but I think that in the end it will make better people of both of us and strengthen our whole family. God is taking care of us! My faith is stronger each day as I see some of the amazing ways God is helping our family through this crisis. Even though I have my own dark days of depression to deal with, I can see how God is going to help me get better also as I help my mom.