I saw this quote image while surfing around on Pinterest.com today and it got me thinking about what it means to be better. Of course this quote is talking about becoming a better person overall and so the context is a bit different...but still...
What is the definition of "better" when it comes to mental illness and depression? Does it mean to be stable? Does it mean some form of normal? Could you even go so far as to say it is "better" than you were before you had your first major attack of depression/mania/schizophrenia?
Yes, it should mean that, like the quote is trying to get across, that you are trying to become a better person, period. Still, I would hope that maybe it will help me to understand how to define "better" in terms of my depression issues. As in: "Am I doing/being/feeling better (mentally) today than I was the other day?" (and) "Am I trying to be better as a person, as a Christian, as a fellow human being?"
For me it means having to ask myself that question every day. It is something that people who haven't had depression/a mental illness (and haven't at least had a loved one who coped with it) have a hard time understanding. Yes, everyone questions their life from time to time, but when you live with major depression many mornings it is a struggle just to get out of bed and face the day.
Sometimes I think that having an understanding of the human condition's dark side is too much for me to cope with. I have to pray in the morning for God to lift that burden from me, so I can get out of bed and get on with my day. I don't hate my life...it just makes me feel tired and let down on my bad days. The rat race sometimes is too much for me and it is then that I have to ask myself the "Am I better?" and "Do I want to be better (mentally and as a person)?" questions.
These are all good and worthy questions for us all to ponder both in relation to mental illness and just life in general.
What does it mean to you to be a better person or to feel that you are doing better in regard to your struggles with mental illness (or the mental illness of a loved one/friend)? Is there anything you'd like to add?
I was just telling someone I was trying to be better. I've been dealing with anxiety the last month or so and sometimes it feels like an unbearable burden. Before we knew that I had torn the cartridge in my ribs I was a wreck. Worrying about my health and about what my family would do if I wasn't there anymore. How my son would grow up without a mother. Since then I've been able to accept that every day is a gift and I cannot control my own future. I am so blessed that all I have to do is let my rib heal. I'm so thankful it wasn't my heart. Since then every time something doesn't feel right, or a get a twinge of pain somewhere, I try to remind myself that God made this body and knows all the inter-workings of it and my anxiety isn't helping at all. How He loves the birds of the field, and keeps them safe, and they don't worry where they will find their shelter or food, why should I worry then knowing He loves me so much more? It's a hard cycle to break though. But I'm giving that over to Him, I know I can't carry it myself. So for me, being 'better' is being more trusting of Jesus, and letting Him be in control. =)
ReplyDeleteHey Amanda! Thanks for the comment. Yes, truly it is very important that we give these things up to God and realize that ultimately how our "story" (life) goes is something that is written by God and not us.
ReplyDeleteIn reality we can only make the day to day choice to trust that He is there to guide us through life and take care of us, and then just try to live life knowing that God "has our back" so to speak! ^_^