Lately I have been experiencing the daily toll of living with chronic depression, also known as Dysthymia. According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine this is the definition:
"Dysthymia is a chronic type of depression in which a person's moods are regularly low. However, symptoms are not as severe as with major depression." It tends to get worse in the winter, especially when I was living up North, as I am originally from the North-Eastern tip of California (it is a lot colder and more like Oregon than the rest of California).
Several years ago I was on Prozac for awhile after sinking into a deeper depression when I was in a bad relationship (before meeting my husband for those of you who know me personally). It was not that my boyfriend drove me to take Prozac, but that he tore deeper into my already wounded mind and caused me to go through deeper self-esteem problems. A few months went by and, along with talking to my doctor, I decided to stop taking Prozac. It had nothing to do with physical side effects or the medicine not working, but instead I decided that I should stop taking it because I felt nothing. Even though I was no longer upset or very sad over my bad break up (which happened about the time I started taking Prozac, ironically) , I realized I never felt very happy ever either. For me this was a problem because what is the point of taking medicine if you are just going to be apathetic for the rest of your life?
Now, I do realize that for those with a major mental disorder being a bit apathetic and neutral is WAY better than feeling out of control. I have witnessed this over and over again in friends, relatives, and acquaintances who stop taking their medicine when, in reality, they really need it to even feel normal. For those who suffer a major disorder, you may HAVE to stay on meds but that does not mean you should not consider therapy or counseling also in addition to the medicine. It is important to do what works best for you and what your doctor/therapist recommends for you personally.
Still, it is also important to stop and smell the roses, play a game with friends, and laugh at a good joke. Do not let the sorrow and troubles of today ruin all your tomorrows with friends and loved ones. Also remember, as I also have to remind myself daily you are not your illness, you are YOU! I often, especially on my bad days, have to meditate on a good quote or Scripture to get me out of the funk I am in. My favorite verse reflects the attitude of picking myself up again (with God's help!): "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" --Philippians 4:13 (New King James Version).
When you are feeling down I hope you find a good quote, good joke, Scripture, or song to bring your mood up again. We all have only one life to live so each of us needs to focus on something outside of us to bring the light back into our dark places of depression and mental illness.
May your mind find itself in a more "sunny" place today!
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